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Reader Question: Keeping Our Connection

Reader Question: Keeping Our Connection

Reader Lisa B. asks:

“What do you do to keep your connection and relationship with your spouse strong,
romantic, and all that good stuff?”

 

First of all, thanks for the question! This is a very important topic that I think a lot of women struggle with. In fact, when I fell pregnant, many, many women told me that my life would change forever. That it’d never just be Maks and I again. And you know what? They were right… though maybe not in the negative way they meant it.

I’m going to get corny here, but Maks is the love of my life. I wake up happy and go to bed happy, in large part, because I have him in my life. He’s my other half and the person I created this amazing little person with.

Before becoming parents, it was just Peta and Maks. We loved going out on dinner dates. We loved socializing with friends. We loved stepping out into the nightlife. We didn’t want to completely lose that – lose that connection with each other – so early on in our pregnancy, we made a promise to each other to put in the work and keep feeding that intimacy.

Although Shai is, without a doubt, our top priority, that doesn’t mean he’s our only priority. Like everything in life, it’s about making time for what matters – and making the most of that time when you have it.

 

Communication is So, So, So Important

We’re very in tune with each other’s moods and schedules. So, like, when Maks knows I haven’t left the house in a couple of days, he gives me that little push out the door. Sometimes that’s a family walk around our neighborhood or driving around looking at houses, and sometimes it’s a full-fledged date night and a chance to spice things up. Lately, our “Sunday Thing” has been driving to Malibu with Bubby, hitting Geoffrey’s, then a stroll around the Village. Of course, if it’s going to be a late night (I’m talking anything after 10 pm) I have to have double espressos otherwise I will 100% fall asleep.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUVTV5yFFGl/?taken-by=petamurgatroyd&hl=en

 

Physical Intimacy Is Always Fun

I think, as dancers we are very in tune with our bodies. We definitely do not have any problems with the attraction or displaying our affection (probably too much for some people – haha). We also shower together about 5 times a week – which is amazing on an emotional level, as well as the obvious sexual. Even though he SPRAYS ME WITH COLD WATER EVERY TIME I GET IN THERE, it’s time to ourselves, to reconnect and talk about our days.

 

Spontaneity – eh, Within Reason

While we can’t be as spontaneous now (feedings come first!), we try to keep some elements of spontaneity in our lives. He will bring home flowers or surprise me with concert tickets. I will make reservations at a hot new dinner spot or write him loving notes.

 

Appreciate the Little Things

I love the way he makes sure I take my vitamins in the morning, the way he makes the bed if I haven’t had time, the way he calls me to tell me he loves. Little things like this don’t go unnoticed. I see everything. And I make sure he knows how much I appreciate everything he does for our family.

 

Rely on Your Support Network

Grandparents are amazing and the little things they do help probably more than they know. For instance, if Maks and I need a little alone time, his mum or my mum will take Shai for a long walk around the neighborhood. We’re also fortunate enough to have a nanny who can take him for a few to go read books or play. A half an hour here and there really add up.

 

Anything Can Be Date Night

Attending fundraisers and events are part of being a celebrity. Before Shai, Maks and I used to do two every week. Obviously, we can’t do that many now, but when we do have to attend events or make red carpet appearances, it totally counts as a date night. We’re spending time together, dressing up (which we both love), and doing our job as celebrities. That’s like the ultimate in self-care multitasking.

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BTvPku8FnzV/?taken-by=petamurgatroyd&hl=en

Keeping a strong relationship with your spouse – especially after a world-changing event like starting a family – is about balance. It’s about knowing that you can be a good mom (or dad!) even if you go out on a movie date night. It’s about recognizing that your partner is going through the same emotional changes as you are. It’s about seeing love as an infinite thing – you can love your child unconditionally and still have copious amounts of love for your spouse. And lastly, it’s about loving yourself unconditionally because finding that balance takes time, work, and even a little trial and error.

Photo Credit: Peta Murgatroyd

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  1. Your description of your connection is so poetic it almost doesn’t seem real and yet we know it is through the glow in your eyes! I mean all of you-they always say moms have a “glow” but you three have something special! Maksim’s began when you came into his life, which, as I said before, was at just the right moment in his life. Your light emanated from his and intensified both until it burst into a living sign-Shai!
    As for PDAs and nicknames, some have said they don’t like them but I feel they are warm healthy of true affection- as long as you keep it sweet and tender(as you and Keith and Nicole) have! When you cross that definitive line-intense videos&the “get a room” phase- then it turns from appearing genuine into who-are-you-trying-to-convince us or yourself?!
    But you have always respected that line both in photos and video and I will always be grateful that you have chosen to share not just your professional gifts but your personal ones as well especially with those of us who have not been as fortunate!
    Blessings to you all!

    Posted by: Judy Nagorski on July 7, 2017 at 5:32 am
  2. First of all, I love your blog. I also recently just had a baby and I am definitely relating to a lot of the things you are sharing. Especially those milk boobies Anyways, my husband and I are struggling to keep our fire burning. We love each other very much, but it so difficult to find time together. He works, I have the baby all day, and the grandparents live to far away to help unless they come visit. We used to be such a fun couple, and I wouldn’t trade Mia for the world, but I need some help in finding ways to keep our intimacy going. Any fun sex ideas? We don’t find a lot of time for that, but when we do we need something special.

    Posted by: Lily Kalina on June 29, 2017 at 1:43 am
  3. Peta,
    You express yourself so eloquently! I love everything about this article!….You have such a beautiful family! You, Maks & Shai are so blessed to have each other!

    Lots of love from your loyal fan!

    Suzzgurl

    Posted by: Suzzgurl/TeamMaksandPeta on June 12, 2017 at 11:44 pm
  4. Excellent article. Love the love you and Maks have for each other and for your sweet little Shai!

    Posted by: Mary Schur on June 12, 2017 at 5:02 pm
  5. I’ve always believed this….”A happy child is a reflection of happy parents’. Your relationship should come first before anything else. You need to nurture your relationship in order to become the best parents to your children. Having a beautiful, loving, respectful relationship will give your children an example of how to love and respect not only themselves, but others. My father always put my mother first and respected the hell out of her, and now my brothers treat their wives the exact same way. Enjoy your time together without guilt because Shai will be a happier boy because of it. Take Care!

    Posted by: Annette Jones on June 12, 2017 at 1:05 pm